


Fluffy Tabula Rasa

by Hils



Series: The Fluffy Files [28]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-08-29
Updated: 2001-08-29
Packaged: 2018-10-11 01:05:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10451556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hils/pseuds/Hils





	

This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. After she'd finally told her friends the truth about what had happened to her and what she was going though now, Giles was leaving her. Just like all the other men that she had loved, her father, Angel, and Riley, Giles was abandoning her and at the time when she needed him most.

She was only half listening to him telling the others, hoping that this was some sort of bad dream, all of it. But in her heart she knew this was just another part of the hellish nightmare that had been her life.

Suddenly she had to get out. She couldn't bear to listen to this anymore. Everyone except Spike was expressing their disbelief at Giles' announcement but none of them could possibly understand what this meant to her. She'd lost her mother the year before and now she was losing the closest thing she had to a father too. It would be up to her to be the responsible adult, to take care of Dawn and make sure they had enough money to survive. She was going to have to do all this on top of her slaying duties and it was just too much.

"I can't!" She finally exclaimed, jumping to her feet and heading for the door. "I can't do this."

All eyes fell on her as she stopped, torn between running and letting out everything she was feeling.

"You can do this." Giles replied in that soft, paternal voice which made her want to scream, cry and beg him not to leave.

"You don't know what it's like." Buffy choked, the tears now threatening to fall. She managed to hold them back for so long but the damn was starting to break. "You don't know how hard it is just to wake up every morning and know what I've been taken from."

No one had an answer to that; the guilt on their faces said it all. Even Dawn and Giles looked sorry and they hadn't had anything to do with the spell.

Spike, however, hopped down from her perch on the counter and moved over to her. If there was one thing he hated it was seeing Buffy suffer.

"I know this is hard for you." He said gently, standing close to her but resisting the urge to hold her. "But if-"

"No!" Buffy interrupted. "Don't pretend to know what I'm feeling. You don't have a soul, you can't possibly understand. You don't even know what feelings are and-"

Suddenly her eyes closed and she toppled forward. Spike reacted quickly, reaching out and catching her before she could hit the floor. He didn't even have time to ask if she was all right before his own eyes closed and he dropped to the floor, still holding on to her.

Silence fell throughout the shop as everyone else slumped over in a deep sleep.

* * *

It was night when the blonde girl finally awoke and the first thing she was aware of that her bed really wasn't very comfortable. It was all lumpy and scratchy.

Opening her eyes she realised that her bed was in fact a person, a man to be more precise and a man she didn't know. She studied him for a moment, trying to remember who he was and how they had come to be asleep on the floor together. He was dressed a little oddly, all in tweed, but even in the darkness she could see that he had a handsome face.

She thought about waking him but realised she had no idea how to explain that she didn't know who he was or where they were. Instead she stood up and felt around in the darkness for a light switch. She soon found one and flipped the switch, filling the whole room with light. As her eyes adjusted to the new brightness she head soft moans and stirring from all around her. She and the man she'd woken with clearly weren't alone.

"Hello?" She called uncertainly, moving towards the source of the noise.

The first thing she saw was another couple lying tangled on the floor, a red-headed girl and a dark-haired man. Maybe there had been some sort of orgy involving booze and drugs.

She turned and quickly realising that there hadn't been an orgy. Three more people were sat around a table, slowly showing signs of waking. Two of them, an older man and a woman were cuddled up together while the third, a young woman sat separately.

"Hello?" She called again and finally everyone seemed to wake fully. She didn't know whether to be relieved or not that they all seemed as puzzled as she was.

The other man who'd been sleeping on the floor was the first to speak, his eyes wild and his voice panicked.

"Ok, who are you people and what am I doing here?"

Everyone looked blank; including the man she'd woken up with who was now sitting up and looking as puzzled as everyone else.

She was about to try and answer when a small whimper came from one of the corners of the room. She moved over to investigate and found a young girl of about fourteen huddled up.

"Hey." She said gently, seeing the look of fear in the girl's eyes. "It's ok. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"Who are you?" The girl asked, not looking any less scared.

"Oh, I’m …a….ah, well that is. I guess…I really don’t know." She finished lamely, giving the young brunette a small friendly smile. "Something seems to have happened to us. Why don't you come out from there and we'll try and figure out what's going on."

She extended her hand and the girl seemed to trust her. She allowed her to help her up and they made their way back into the middle of the room where the others were still trying to figure out what was going on.

"Does anyone remember anything?" The older man asked.

They all shook their heads.

"We've got to do something." The panicked man began to ramble, pacing up and down. "We need to get out of here."

"Brilliant plan." The younger tweed-clad man replied, moving down to join them. "Run out into the middle of who-knows-where with no memories."

"He's right." The older man replied. "I don't think it's wise for us to go charging out there until we have at least some idea of what's going on."

"Trust you British guys to stick together." Was the grumbled response.

The dark haired man became animated. "Hey, are we in England?"

His eyes glancing hopefully at the females in the room.

"Jolly good day!"

Every one turned to stare at the petite red head.

"Ah, sorry. Just checking. So I’m guessing ‘no’, wouldn’t be happening with the cool English accent thing." She smiled nervously trying to cover her embarrassment. The enthusiastic dark haired man sighed.

The two British men looked at each other. Surely it couldn't be a coincidence that two English men were together like this.

"Dad?" The younger man asked uncertainly.

"I suppose I must be. There is certainly something familiar about you."

"Well, at least we're getting somewhere." She said. "Does anyone else think they know anyone here?"

"I'm engaged!" The woman who had been sleeping at the table with the older man shrieked, holding up her ring for everyone else to see.

"That's great." The dark haired man said unenthusiastically. "But since we don't know who to it's kind irrelevant."

The older man reached into his pocket for his handkerchief, suddenly filled with the need to clean his glasses. Instead his hand closed around something else, something much more useful, his wallet. He pulled it out and held it up.

"Everybody, check for identification. This might help us find out who we are."

He opened the wallet and soon found his driving license. He smiled, he had a name.

"Rupert Giles." He murmured, happier now that he at least knew what to call himself.

"I'm Willow Rosenberg." The red head said, wrinkling her nose at the funny name.

The panicky man let out a sigh of relief as he found his wallet. "I'm Alexander Harris."

"I'm Tara."

All eyes turned to the girl who had remained silent up until now, causing her to blush and duck her head down.

"That's a pretty name." Willow smiled, causing Tara to blush even more.

"Thanks." Tara whispered. "I think your name's pretty too."

Both girls smiled but were distracted by the engaged girl shouting

"I'm Anya! I found some bills in my purse and it says that Rupert and Anya own a place called The Magic Box."

The looked around and seemed to notice their surroundings for the first time.

"Look at all this weird stuff." Willow said, picking up a jar and peering at the contents.

"It's a magic shop!" Tara exclaimed excitedly, holding up a book entitled Spells for Beginners. "Do you suppose magic made us lose our memories?"

Rupert's son frowned at Anya, not really caring about their memory loss any more. "You're engaged to my dad?"

Rupert smiled at Anya and shot his son a glare telling him to be quiet. He was engaged to a young and attractive woman and he wasn't going to let anything ruin that. He decided a change of subject was the best course of action and turned to the two girls who hadn't identified themselves yet.

"Do you two know who you are?"

The younger girl fingered a necklace she was wearing with her name on it.

"I guess I'm Dawn."

That just left Rupert's son and the girl he'd woken up with.

The man checked first, going through all his pockets and finding nothing. Finally, however, he came across a label inside his jacket.

"Made with care for Randy." He read aloud and then glared at Rupert.

"Randy Giles? Oh that's just great!"

Rupert looked offended. "I'm quite sure I wouldn't have given you a name like that. Maybe it was your mother's idea."

Randy muttered something under his breath and sat down, not looking happy at all.

Now there was only one person left who didn't have a name.

"I don't have a wallet or anything." She said. "I guess I'll just have to pick a name."

"I'll name you if you want." Dawn offered.

She smiled, not wanting to offend Dawn but at the same time not wanting to place her identity in the hands of a teenager.

"It's ok, I think I can come up with something. I think I'll name me.....Joan."

Everyone in the room except Randy sighed. This girl had the chance to call herself anything she wanted and she'd chosen a dull name like Joan. Randy on the other hand had realised that any name she picked was going to be better than his. What had his parents been thinking?

"Joan?" Dawn asked, voicing everyone else's thoughts. "You can't call yourself Joan."

"Why not?"

"It's just...blah. You should have let me name you."

Joan raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly were you planning to call me."

"Britney."

Everyone else groaned and Joan smiled with satisfaction. "I'm sticking with Joan."

Dawn pouted. "There's nothing wrong with Britney. It's way cooler than Joan."

"I don't care if it's 'cool', Dawn. I like Joan."

"You sound like you're my mom or something." Dawn grumbled.

"Yeah?" Joan replied. "Well you sound like my....kid sister."

The two girls looked at each other and instantly they knew it was true. They hugged, happy that they had found each other even if they had no memories of their past.

"Right." Randy announced, standing up. "Now that we've finished with the touchy feelies can we get out of here?"

Everyone nodded their agreement.

Alex smiled at Willow and offered her his arm. He figured that since they had woken up snuggled together that she must be his girlfriend. He certainly felt close to her.

Willow smiled uncertainly but accepted his arm.

As everyone moved towards the door Joan dropped back, catching hold of Randy's arm and pulling him back with her.

"I just thought you should know that I think we're a couple of something. We woke up kind of snuggled on the floor."

Randy looked at her for a moment, not really sure what he was supposed to say to this. She didn't really seem like the sort of girl he would normally be attracted to, but there was definitely something about her that he liked. He smiled.

"All the more reason for us to get out memories back then."

He reached out and brushed his hand over her cheek before leaning down to kiss her. Joan's eyes closed in anticipation but quickly snapped open at the sound of everyone else screaming. She and Randy ran over to the door just in time to see two vampires burst in.

One of them grabbed hold of Joan, clamping his hand over her mouth and holding her tight to prevent her from moving. The other vampire grabbed Randy, pushing him against the wall and pinning him there by the throat.

"The boss wants paying." The vampire growled.

"Paying?" Randy asked. "I don't think I have any money with me right now."

"The kittens!" The vampire said, looking at Randy as though he was totally stupid.

"Kittens?" Randy asked, now totally confused.

Joan was still struggling in the grip of her captor, becoming increasingly scared for Randy's safety. Finally she bit down hard on the hand that was covering her mouth and managed to break free.

She couldn't say why, but something made her reach into her pocket where she found a wooden stick. Pulling it out she ran over to Randy and pulled the vampire away from him.

"Stay away from my boyfriend!" She yelled and without even thinking about it she plunged her stick into the vampires chest, causing him to explode in a cloud of dust.

The other vampire stared at her for a moment before bolting for the door. Willow quickly slammed it shut and put all the bolts on before turning back to Joan.

"That was _so_ cool!"

Joan wasn't listening, however. Instead she had her arms around Randy's waist and was hugging him tightly.

"Are you ok?" She asked.

Randy nodded, enjoying the feeling of her holding him like this.

"You saved me." He said softly.

Joan looked up at him and smiled. "Any time."

Their lips met in a soft and gentle kiss, both of them forgetting their surroundings and the situation they were in. All they were aware of were each other and how right this felt.

They stopped at the sound of someone clearing their throat and looked up to see Rupert staring at them with disapproval.

"Now really isn't the time." He said. "The front of the shop has been surrounded. We appear to be trapped."

Joan moved away from Randy, a look of resolve on her face. "There has to be another way out. Everyone split up and look."

As everyone headed off to look for an escape route Dawn headed over to her sister.

"That was so cool what you did to that vampire. Do you think I know how to do it too? Maybe it's a family thing."

Joan shook her head. "We are so not going to find out. Now help me look for another door."

As they prepared to move Dawn suddenly flared her nostrils and looked around in confusion.

"Do you smell that?"

Joan took a deep breath and her eyes widened. The smell was very distinctive; it was the smell of burning. Looking over to the locked from door she was horrified to see thick black smoke pouring in through the gaps. The front of the store was on fire.

"We need to get out. Now!" She yelled. "Has anyone found anything?"

Willow and Tara hurried in from the back of the shop.

"We found a trapdoor. It seems to lead to the sewer."

"Let's go." Joan replied.

"What?" Anya screeched, having just arrived back in the main part of the shop and seen the smoke pouring in. "We can't just leave. What about the cash register and all the money?"

She turned to Rupert, expecting support from her fiancée. It was no only the two of them and Joan left in the shop, everyone else had headed into the sewers.

"Anya, dear, we have to go. It's too dangerous to stay here." He said calmly.

"No!" Anya replied. "I have to protect the merchandise and....HEY!"

With a sigh Rupert had hoisted her over his shoulder and was now carrying her towards the ladder.

"Hey! Put me down!" Anya yelled, pounding on his back with her fists.

With a bit of difficulty Rupert managed to climb down the ladder with Anya over his shoulder and Joan followed closely behind.

"I can't believe you did that." Anya yelled once Rupert had set her down on her feet.

Joan did a quick scan of the group and her eyes widened with concern. "Where's Alex?"

Everyone else did a similar scan of the area but it soon became apparent that Alex was nowhere to be found.

Joan looked back up the ladder, hoping to catch a glimpse of him making his was down to them, but all she saw was a dark hole far above them.

Randy moved forward and placed a hand on the first rung.

"I'll go back up and get him."

Joan shook her head. "No, I'll go."

"Look, you're the one with the super-strength. You need to stay here and look after the others. I bet it's not going to take those vampires long to figure out why we haven't come out yet."

Joan didn't like it but Randy was right. She needed to trust him to get Alex back.

"Be careful." She whispered, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

Randy gave her a reassuring smile before disappearing up the ladder into the darkness. All Joan could do was pray for his safety.

* * *

When Randy reached the top of the ladder he found the shop so filled with smoke that he could barely see two feet in front of his face. He hoped Alex wasn't too far away as it wouldn't do either of them any good if the smoke became too much for Randy before he could find him.

"Alex!" He called, not really expecting an answer.

When none cam he slowly began to feel his way through the shop, looking for any signs of Alex. He was about halfway through the store when suddenly the smoke seemed to thin out and he found it easier to see. He wasn't sure what at caused it but he certainly wasn't going to waste time thinking about it now.

His improved sight aiding him it didn't take him long to find Alex. He was lying unconscious in one of the side rooms, clearly having been overcome by the smoke. Randy quickly hoisted him over his shoulder and headed back for the ladder, thankful that both of them were still in one piece.

* * *

It took him longer to climb down the ladder with Alex's dead weight over one shoulder, but Randy managed it without falling. Once his feet hit the bottom he turned to find everyone still waiting for him.

"Found him." Randy smiled.

The reaction he got wasn't exactly what he'd expected. Dawn, Willow, Tara and Anya screamed whilst Rupert and Joan just stared at him in silent horror.

"Oh, it's ok." Randy tried to reassure them, guessing they must be thinking Alex was dead or something. "He's fine, just inhaled a bit to much smoke."

After a few more moments of silence Joan moved forward, clutching her stake tightly in her hand.

"Put him down and stand back." She said dangerously.

"O......k." Randy said, not understanding what was going on but sensing that Joan was angry for some reason. Carefully he eased Alex down to the floor and took a couple of steps back. Rupert and Anya quickly moved forward and dragged Alex towards them.

"Joan, what's going on?" Randy asked in confusion, taking a step forward to see what everyone was doing.

Instantly Joan's fist shot out and caught him on the jaw, hitting him hard enough to send him stumbling back. She then grabbed hold of his arm, flipping him over and landing him on his back. Before he even had a chance to move she straddled him, pinning him to the ground and placing her stake over his heart.

"Bloody hell!" Randy yelled. "What are you doing?"

Joan was about to retort back when she saw the genuine confusion in his eyes. He really had no idea who or what he was.

"Randy. You're a vampire."

The look on his face instantly went from confusion to disbelief. "Is this a joke because it's not very funny."

Using one hand to keep the stake pressed over his heart she used the other to move his hand up to his face, allowing him to feel the ridges on his forehead and the sharp fangs in his mouth.

"Bloody hell." Randy said softly once he was sure that Joan was telling the truth. "I don't get it. I don't feel evil or anything, and I never even thought about biting any of you. Plus why am I fighting other vampires?"

Nobody had an answer for that. It certainly was strange that a vampire seemed to be fighting on the side of good.

Suddenly Randy's eyes widened as he had an idea. "I've got a soul!"

Joan wrinkled her nose. "Are you sure? That sounds kinda lame."

"It must be true." Randy replied excitedly, happy to discover that he wasn't an evil killer. "It explain why I'm helping you, and why I don't want to bite you."

He smiled shyly. "I suppose it also explains why we're together."

Joan couldn't help but smile in return, glad that the man she cared for wasn't evil.

"It does make a lot of sense." Rupert added. "I imagine that when I found out my son had been turned into a demon I cast a spell to give him a soul."

Satisfied that Randy wasn't going to kill them all Joan climbed off him and helped him to his feet.

"I'm sorry I hit you." She said softly.

Randy shrugged it off. "No problem. Didn't hurt that much."

Suddenly a scream rang out through the cavern they were in and the two of them turned to see Alex sat up, pointing a trembling finger at Randy.

"H-he's a monster."

Willow quickly did her best to soothe him, stroking his hair and shushing him gently.

"It's ok, Alex. Randy is a good vampire. He saved you."

Alex looked a little dubious until he realised that the last thing he remembered was being in the shop and choking on the smoke. He looked at Randy uncertainly.

"You saved me?"

Randy nodded, wishing he could make himself look human again but not actually knowing how to do it. He hadn't even realised he'd gone into vamp face until everyone had freaked out.

Alex struggled to his feet and walked over to Randy, holding his hand out to the vampire.

Randy looked at Alex uncertainly for a moment before accepting the hand and shaking it firmly.

"Thanks, man." Alex said with relief. "I owe you."

Randy smiled. "No problem."

"We should get going." Joan said, hating to break up the male bonding session. "We still need to get our memories back."

The two of them nodded and they quickly moved over to join the rest of the group. Before they could move however, they heard voices coming from up ahead.

"This way." A male voice said. "I can smell them."

It was the vampire that had escaped from the shop earlier and it was apparent that he wasn't alone. Joan quickly motioned for the others to hide and clutched her stake tightly, ready to fight. Randy stood by her side, his own stake in his hand. Joan looked at him in confusion.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"Fighting the good fight." Randy replied.

With a smile Joan nodded, happy that she had some back up. The others quickly climbed up into one of the pipes and hid. No one saw the black crystal fall from Willow's pocket onto the floor.

"Ready Randy?" Joan whispered.

"Ready Joan."

As the vampires rounded the corner Randy and Joan braced themselves, ready to fight. There were eight of them all together; it was going to be a tough fight.

"Well looky here." One of the vampires sneered, seeing Randy and Joan stood alone. "Just who we were looking for."

The vampires charged and in the first sweep Randy and Joan managed to dust four of the vampires. Maybe this fight wasn't going to be as tough as they'd thought. Fighting seemed to come naturally to both of them, and they kept their back pressed together to give them the best vantagepoint.

"This feel kind of familiar to you?" Joan asked over her shoulder as she dusted another of the vampires.

"Yeah." Randy replied. "I guess we must do this a lot."

"It's kinda fun." Joan said as Randy dusted one of the three remaining vamps.

"Yup." Randy replied and in sycrinicity they dusted the last two vampires together. It was over all too soon for them.

"You think that's the last of them?" Joan asked, seeming a little disappointed.

"I think so." Randy replied, seeming unhappy as well. "I'll go and get the others."

As he headed over to the tunnel where the others were hiding he heard something crunch under one of his shoes. Looking down he saw the shattered fragments of what looked like a crystal and instantly all his memories returned. It was a weird experience, like watching his life on the television or something. He saw it all, from his childhood as a human, through his turning and right up until the present moment. It was a slightly unsettling experience but he soon shook it off.

For Buffy it was much worse. She was forced to see so many things that she was trying hard to forget. Her father leaving her, sending Angel to hell, her mother dying, waking up in her grave, everything. Going through it once had been bad enough, but seeing it all again was just too much. She dropped to her knees and buried her face in her hands, willing the images and memories to go away.

"Bloody hell." Spike murmured as he saw the look of anguish and pain on Buffy's face. He quickly hurried over to her side and knelt down beside her.

"Buffy?" He whispered gently.

Without a word she latched onto him, burying her face in his chest and her whole body heaving as she sobbed. Spike froze for a moment, having expected her to push him away. The cautiously he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she cried.

The others slowly came out from the pipe they'd been hiding in. None of them except Willow knew why their memories had suddenly returned, and Willow didn't intend on saying anything. She'd lose Tara for sure if she did. They all stood silently, watching Buffy cry out her sorrows.

"We should leave them." Giles said gently, knowing that what Buffy probably wanted more than anything right now was to be left in peace. "They'll come when they're ready."

Everyone nodded their agreement and slowly they headed for the surface. As Xander reached the tunnel, however, something made him turn back. He didn't know why he had to say this but he knew that if he didn't do it now he never would.

"Uh...Spike?"

The vampire glanced up over Buffy's head. "What?"

"I..um....just wanted to say thanks. For going back for me, especially when you didn't know the smoke wouldn't effect you."

Before Spike could reply Xander turned and hurriedly made his way out of the tunnel.

"You're welcome." Spike murmured before resuming comforting Buffy.

* * *

Neither of them knew how long they'd been kneeling there in the tunnel, but finally Buffy's cries died down in soft sniffles and she raised her head to look at Spike.

"Thanks." She murmured embarrassed by her outburst in front of him but grateful for the comfort Spike had given.

Spike was beginning to wonder if everyone was still slightly under the influence of the memory loss. Twice now people he thought hated him had thanked him.

"You're welcome." He said softly, still not believing that she had let him comfort her like that. "You ready to head home."

Buffy nodded, wiping her eyes and smiling sheepishly at Spike. "I must look a mess."

He smiled and shook his head. "You look beautiful."

Buffy was too drained to argue with him so she just climbed to her feet and the two of them headed for the exit.

* * *

They walked in silence for a while and Spike desperately tried to think of something to say. He didn't want Buffy dwelling on the past too much.

"I can't believe I thought I had a soul." He finally grumbled good-naturdley. "It's a good job I didn't start brooding or you'd have had to start calling me Angel."

Buffy managed a half smile, she could tell Spike was trying to cheer her up and although she really wasn't in the mood for laughing now she had to give him points for trying.

She suddenly stopped and looked at him, studied him carefully.

"What?" Spike asked in confusion. "Look, I know the clothes are bad but...."

"I-I Just wanted to say I'm sorry." She said quietly, lowering her eyes so she wouldn't have to face him.

Now he was sure something was stiff affecting her. Now she was apologising as well as thanking him.

"Um...what for?" He finally asked.

"What I said back in the shop...about you not having feelings..."

"Oh, that." Spike waved his hand in dismissal. "Forget it, it's nothing."

"No, it is!" Buffy protested, moving forward so that she was closer to him. "I lashed out at you when you were only trying to help."

She finally forced herself to look up and meet his eyes. She saw confusion there and knew it was time they had the discussion she'd tried to run from the night previously.

"The truth was I was scared. Scared about the way you make me feel and what that was doing to me. After I kissed you that night it made me wonder what was happening to me that was drawing me to a creature with no soul."

Spike sighed, that was one thing he could never change for her. No matter how good he tried to be he would never have a soul.

Seeing the dejected look in his eyes Buffy found the confidence to finish what she was saying.

"But you proved something tonight. You fought on the side of good, risked your life to save Xander, and none of this was because of me. You chose to do it because it was the right thing to do. Yeah, you might not have a soul but you still have it within you to be good."

She reached up and brushed a hand over his cheek. "And you know what, I'm not scared any more. Having feelings for you isn't wrong."

Spike almost choked at her words. "You have....feelings for me?"

Her answer was to lean up and kiss him with everything she had. There was no reason for her to hold back. And as she kissed him she realised that for the fist time since she'd been brought back she actually felt happy.

The End


End file.
